Hello World

I feel like I apologize a lot on this blog for my lack of blogs. So once again I am sorry for the lack of blogs. I am doing the very thing that irritates me.  I blog hop at night and I get so annoyed when one of my favorite blogs have not updated for a week and here I am going on months.  I mean honestly not a lot of people read my blog but I am not doing it just for that. I am doing it as a way to journal what is going on in our family.

As many of you know, we have face a lot of heartache in our family the past couple of months with the loss of our son Smith.  I am not ready to completely discuss it on here yet or give a lot of the details of how it all ended.  It just too hard and still too fresh. I know many of you have expressed your concern to my mother that I am not the same Amanda.  I 100% agree with you. I am trying to get back to that person. I have my good days and bad days and I do try hard to be sad when I am by myself. However, sometimes I can not help it. There is the underlying sadness of missing my son. It is a weird place to be. Losing him was like a death but it was not like a death at the same time. I will never see him again but yet I know he is still alive in this world somewhere. I have no grave to go mourn to but yet I still mourn. I still count him apart of our family but yet he is apart of someone else now.  Anyways, I can save this for maybe my more personal journal or another post when I am ready to discuss it.  I still cry.  I still think of him every day.

A couple weeks after losing Smith we got a phone call from our agency asking us to take two kids into foster care that they are going to try to terminate parents rights.  At first I said I needed to talk to my husband and I would get back to them. I wanted to say no because I thought our family needed to mourn before bringing kids in our home again especially ones that we might not keep. However as I hung up the phone I just heard this voice saying say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So I just did that. I called the agency back and said yes and .....now we have two kids in our home. They are ages 4 and 17 months. The girl is 4 and the boy is 17 months.  Unfortunately while they are still classified at foster kids I am not allowed to post pictures or give their real names.  Once they are in adoption mode (meaning parents rights are terminated and we are going towards adoption I do not have as any restrictions) I can post pictures and all that jazz. We have a lot of fun together and I can not wait to show you how cute they are. Everyone tells us they look like Milton and Me.

For now we will call the girl Millie because that is what we will change her name to when we adopt her if we get to and the boy we will call Reeve. At least that is what we will call them on our blog. In real life we have to call them by their names until we get to adopt them. I know a lot of you are wondering how likely is it that we get to adopt them. The answer....I have no clue. We will not know until probably September. We are just going forward on faith of the original answer we got.