Just the Two of US Thanksgiving Style

So this Thanksgiving through a number of different circumstances it wound up just being Milton and I alone. In the past I would have been disappointed because I love the holidays with tons of people....the food...the baking...the games that night. However this year I was okay with it. I was looking forward to a day just with Milton and I.  He is one of the things that I am most grateful for.  It was quite lovely and it will be one of my fondest memories. We slept in that day. When we woke up I cooked a little breakfast and then we just laid around on the couch and watched some holiday movies. I was in my pjs all day!!!! How lovely! So you will excuse the awful way I look in the pictures. I also had no makeup and I did not have to do my hair.  AWWW truly a good holiday

It was nice to just to sit around and not have to worry about rushing to cook or entertaining others (although I do love that). It was so nice to just sit with my honey and reflect on the things and people that we are grateful for. Later that day I got off of the couch and made Milton and I's favorite food.  It will forever been in my heart the memory sitting across from my love and remembering all of the adventures, the ups and downs, the laughs and tears, and know that my Heavenly Father has been watching over our little family and has blessed us beyond measure.   So even though I miss my family and friends this holiday, I am grateful for this holiday with my husband.  I leave you with a few pics of our "Just the Two of Us" Thanksgiving.

Witchy Woman

Sorry this is a little later than it should be.  After Halloween we went on a cruise to Mexico!! So I did not get a chance to put picture from our halloween up.  Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.  I love everything about it. I love dressing up and decorating the house and the tricks and the treats.  This year was a little more low key than years previous since it was on a Sunday but we still had fun.  As we planned our costumes this year we decided  to stick to the basics.  Ashley and I went as witches, milton as a bat, and ket as a vampire.  I had so much fun making our costumes this year. I made miltons bat costume and Ash and I had fun making our witches hat.  Can not wait til next year!!!  Now it is onto Thanksgiving and Christmas!!! Wooowhooooo!!!

Hello Darlin...It's been a long time

I know all 2 of you that read thi blog (including myself and my mother in that count) have been wondering where I have been or what I have been up to. It is one of those things that I have been so busy but have done nothing at the same time. I have a little heartache that I have had to deal with. It has taken me a little while and I am still working on it. However, I do have some worthy things to report on.

Last weekend we had wonderful friends of ours invited us to a lakehouse. I felt so lucky because we do not get alot of invites by friends to lakehouse. Let's face it....we are lame. Not that fun loving couple that everyone wants. So needless to say I was way excited. The only disappointing part was that Milton was not able to go with us. He had to stay behind and work on school stuff. I will tell you this that place was fabulous and I wish I had more than one night there. It had like 8 bedrooms, a huge kitchen, and 3 boats and 4 jetskis. Every bathroom had a tv above the bathtub. If I owned that place I would become a recluse and never leave. We had such a good time boating, going on jetskis (my first time), eating, and playing games. The trip did end with ashley's boyfriend riding in a ambulance due to a bad reaction to a bug bite. No need to fear...He is okay.  Here are alot of pictures....so enjoy!

                                          Pictures do not even do this place justice

About to go on the jetskis

This was my favorite action jetski shot. Way to go Todd (see I said it)

Heaven on Earth

My private balcony

The only baby I know that can do pilates

I don't think she liked that I was snapping pictures of her left and right. She said something about needing to work on her abs

My bedroom  AKA that master suite

Another shot of heaven

Can we say "Cribs" you know you are rick if you have a refrigerator in your bathroom

Ready

                                                                         Set

                                                               jump

Now you go

Chilaxin

                           The only two pictures I got of myself because no one else wants to take pictures of me

And last but not least....This is our Halloween decorations this year.  A little bit different than all the years previous.  However I do need to pose a question to you......The witch in the window...Should I change the background to green or leave it orange? I just think it might be too much orange and green would make it look cool. You can click on the picture to enlarge

I did it!!

I started my new blog....inspired by so many people. Copy and paste the link in your address bar or type it in your address bar:

http://keepingthehope4you.blogspot.com

my link button is not working for some reason. Sorry for the extra work.

I am so scared and I have a million ideas. I am scared that because I have so many I will not be able to organize them all and my new blog will flop. I just want to help so many keep the hope for them.

Sorry for the short post. will write more later

Overwhelmed

I am so overwhelmed with support. I have felt each of you wrap your arms around me and give me a great big hug. Words can not express the love that I have felt these couple of days. I have felt so much strength and support. It is amazing the response that I have gotten. I hope everyone knows that I did not write that blog for recognition or attention. It was simply what my heart was screaming. I now feel like I know why I was meant to write it. There was purpose and a plan in it. One that can only be divinely inspired. As I blogged my previous entry I felt a release. I pondered a long time how to express the emotions I was feeling. It can be so hard to express the roller coaster of emotions you feel. So much has happened since my blog post. A whole new movement has been started and a new fire light inside my heart.

One the way to work on Saturday I was talking to my mom about my blog. At that point I only had four comments. It was in the early morning and I was telling my mom how good it felt to finally put my feelings into words. As we spoke I talked to her about a particular comment that I took comfort in. It was the first comment by my friend Sarah. Sarah expressed it so much better than I can. What touched me was that I was feeling as if she was saying "Amanda that is what your friends and family is for. It is okay...you rest a while. Let your friends continue the hope of you. I am keeping the hope for you." It was a relief to hear that. When you are going through infertility you feel like you have to explore every avenue, have every answer, all the while having a smile on your face, faith and hope in your heart, and act as if nothing is bothering you. I get tired from smiling so much. So when Sarah gave me that permission....something I would not allow myself to do. I felt relief. I felt rest. A chance to lay down while others kept the hope for me.

I know this is turning into a long blog but again I feel the need to express the events that have transpired. Little did I know that my mom would start a movement for all my friends and family to let me know that they were "keeping the hope for me" From this my friend Rebekah started a facebook blog in honor of my husband and me called "Keeping the Hope for You." It is for couples, their friends, and family who are facing infertility and needs someone to keep the hope for them. Please encourage all of your friends who either know someone or are going through infertility to join this group.

This movement has sparked something inside of me. I feel like I know my purpose in experiencing infertility. There are so many blogs out there about infertility but all the ones I see are about the persons personal journey and what they are doing to try to have a child. Then what happens is they finally get a child and it is just one more person I know who has a child and I don't. Like I said that is my experience with infertility blogs. So everything that has transpired has sparked me to start a blog. It will be titled "keeping the hope for you." it will be for couples and their loved ones to help "keep the hope" I am working out all the kinks in it but it will different than the other blogs that I have seen. However, I do not want to stop at the blog. I am bursting with ideas and I am so excited. So send your family and friends to this blog because once I launch the new blog I will put a link to it on here and announce it. I will still have this blog but it will be my family personal daily dealings blog. Thanks for all of the shout outs and I hope you can keep the movement going. Get the word out. ....

HeartBroken

I normally keep my blog light and fun. I don't share tons of deep heartfelt emotions. I like to keep that personal. So with saying that, I do not share this lightly. I debated whether or not to put this on here but I feel that I need to get it all out. My mind can not stop thinking about my heartbreak. I know that we have to experience sorrow in order to appreciate the good. Sometimes it is so hard to experience the sorrow.

As many of you know or maybe you dont know my husband and I having been trying to have kids.....adopt kids......just get kids period! And as many as you know it has been pretty difficult for us. Normally I can buck up and get over it. Keep my chin up and keep going. However, after this last heartbreak it has been more difficult for me.

I dont want to get into a lot of detail. We have been trying to adopt a little girl for the past couple of years. This week were suppose to finally get her!! I have been excited but cautious due to our past experinces. However, as time went on this past week it seemed my dream of wanting to be mother was finally coming true. Once again though, we have hit a wall. It is one that we can possible get over but it is a big wall that is going to take time.

I know most of you are saying....but Amanda you can get over a wall. you can go around it or knock it down. Sometimes I feel I don't have the strength to do that anymore. It is hard to jump over the wall, get up , dust yourself off again, put your chin up and smile over and over again. I am tired and just want to lay down but there is panic in that.

People have often said to me isn't there peace in knowing that you have done everything you can....that there are no more what ifs or should I try this after you have done everything you possible can. There is but there is also panic there. When we first started this journey nearly seven years ago....we had tons and years of options in front of us. It is not like that anymore. We are on a one way street that is a no drive thru. I feel closed in at times and struggle with the urge to scream.

We have tried everything....years of infertility treatment....IVF....adoptions..... We are actually with an agency now and I have submitted on over 12 kids and not picked for one. I feel that for some reason the Lord has a sheet over our family. Like he is making us invisible for some reason. I keep hoping and praying because it is for something even better than I can imagine. Like he is saving us for something special. However hope is a hard time to maintain. I hope I am making sense. I just feel I need to get this out there. I often have people share stories about friends they know who are in th same boat eventually got pregnant or adopted...or once they adopted got pregnant or go pregnant when they stopped trying. I want to scream at them and say "for every story you have I have one too of someone trying for years and never having kids." There are couples out there that are childless and I don't mean the ones by choice. It is just not in the cards for everyone. However, when I say that I get ...."well think of how many kids lives you can effect. A child does not have to be yours to effect them." I WANT MY OWN!!!! I love working with the youth but I want to be called mom or hear my kids running and screaming dad when my husband comes home. I want that.

I want to be a mother more than anything I know. I crave those evenings with children where we go to the park or play with the dog or get to take them on a fun family vacation. I even crave the hard times. The time where my children are sick and I do the things that my mother did to make me feel better or help mend their first heartbreak or check in on them while sleeping. I crave the school plays and dance recitals. I want it soooo bad and have this deep sinking feeling that it will never happen.

Right now.....I do not have the strength to pick myself up and dust myself off and try again right now. My strength will come back. I just need a little time to lie down for a little while. However, there is panic in that. time is slipping away. I hear people say over and over again...you are young...you have tons of time. However, we have been trying for 7 years....how much longer. We have goals. We have always wanted a big family and to be fairly young parents. Those plans seem done. It has taken us so long to even get one.

I am so sorry for the debbie downer mood. I just need to get it off my chest. My heart is breaking or broken. I know it will mend just needs time.

Changes

So there has been a lot of changes here in the Timoteo household. Out with the old and in with the new. I have been slowly working on remodeling some of the rooms in my home. My house is no where near where I want it to be but it is a work in progress. I still have a ton of ideas. Sometimes it is frustrating because I think I have got a room closer to what I want it to be but then I see a million different things I want to change and add. However, the best way to see the improvement is to see the before and then the after. I will give this disclaimer.....I am not a great photographer. I have a great camera and everything. It is just the operator. So I am sure that if someone else took it they would look like martha stewart up in my house.

So I present "Changes"

Before

After

Before


After (this is still very much a work in progress)

Before. ( I have a few things I want to tweak)

After

This is the last thing that I have been working on. We bought this dresser on Craigslist for $60. I finally refinished it. I learned alot and if I ever refinish anything again there are a few things I would different. I hope to do a blog on here about how I did. The pictures of the after did not turn out how I want, but you can at least see the difference.

Before

After

After close up